This feels like a break up, technically it is, one that I will forever hold dear to my heart. Like any other plot line, I honestly don’t know where it all went wrong, and if you do eventually get around to reading this, I hope you will feel the same and have this ended on a good note. I’ve known you since prep, I don’t know whether we were friends then, but every time I look back at our old school photo I can’t help but smile, amazed at how we’ve both grown. From cute little girls (I was a tad bit cuter, or so I like to tell myself) we were now considered women of today’s society. I don’t remember much from my childhood, I prefer not to look back not because it overwhelms me, but simple because I don’t remember much. Primary school was a swift phase for me; it came and went much like high school. However, it was thanks to high school that I got to know you, to see what kind of a person you were and how much of the same interests we shared. From year 7 until 10 was pretty much again, a blur to me, I don’t remember much but I do remember us all as a group, having our ups and downs riding on a fun packed merry-go-round filled with so much hatred for certain people yet so much love exuding for others. And then VCE began, it isn’t so bad as everyone brought it out to be, I don’t know whether it was the nerves of entering the most important years of our life’s education that brought us so close, or the fact that we just related, but I was happy, I was content with life, for once I said to myself, I had it all. You were probably the best thing about VCE, about school, about life. You held me down when I needed it, and you picked me up when I was a mess. I’ve always thought I was the complex character in our relationship, you know the one who has some sort of mental disorder, I was always so irrational, so impulsive, irritating – I gave everyone such a hard time during my episodes of a teenage breakdown, but you had to deal with it the most because you were my ‘best friend’. I’ve done no right in my life to deserve such a person like you, so heaven really did look upon me and blessed me with such a loving soul like you. Then, like you said, things change, like everything else in world, new things become old and we grow up. We drifted, as much as I hated that fact, we did. I’m constantly on the edge of my seat wondering why all of a sudden you weren’t calling me no more, why we weren’t hanging as we did before, what had happen for it to become this way. I blame myself for letting it all happen. You probably just needed to get away from me and I can’t blame you, I honestly can’t. I can see so many reasons why you would want to relieve yourself of my presence but don’t, don’t you ever say that I never appreciated you. I’m sorry you probably didn’t feel that way, I’m sorry you felt like you were the one always giving with nothing in return, I’m sorry you had to deal with such a handful.

I told you I was willing to still fight for what we had, but “no point trying” to fight for something that isn’t there anymore right? I appreciate you so much that I still needed, wanted you in my life, and despite what I say now, how I won’t try anymore, deep inside I’m trembling in the fear of forever losing you. If you had so much as any good memory of us being together, I hope you will look past everything else that lead up to this moment and hold onto those memories. I know I will, for instance, remember that time when we were roughly 16, writing down that list of stupid things we needed to do before we turned another year older and on that list was “find a boyfriend”? I remember so clearly, we were so stupid and young, it was almost funny but more so of desperate and depressing. And when we were watching supernatural that one time, the episode with bloody merry and the mirrors, you are such a pussy I swear. Just things like that, all those little things like how we would record ourselves singing, playing with makeup, talking about people, painting our nails and ALWAYS managing to fuck it up and having to redo it. It makes me happy to reminisce because despite having so much drama, I know there are things like these fond memories for me to look back on.

I respect you, so I will respect your decision. I wish things were different but with life there is no turning back. However, if you do decide to randomly call me, I don’t know why you would ever, maybe you’ll have a change of heart after reading this, maybe not god knows, but know I’m going to always be here. I’ll probably pick up the phone and cry a little, convert myself into a Christian momentarily and thank god, and thank you for still thinking of ‘us’. But if not, I understand.